Inebriation
by obsessed1
Summary: Summary: It was supposed to be simple so how did their mission end with a very drunk, whumped Colonel. The link for this seems to be a bit touchy so if it doesn't work you can find this over at my livejournal in my authors profile.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Inebriation

Author: Obsessed1  
Character(s): Sheppard and team  
Genre(s): Stargate Atlantis: Gen. Angst. H/C.  
Rating: PG?

Summary: It was supposed to be simple, so how did they're mission end with a very drunk, whumped Colonel.

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McKay listened to the drip drip of the rain falling outside and pressed himself against the cave wall when a rumble of thunder seemed to echo around him. And it was the sound of thunder he was hearing and not the deep rumble of –

"Well, this has been a fun outing," he said into the semi darkness, "Glad I'm stuck here, in the cold, soaking wet and not eating the nice warm food they are no doubt serving in the commissary right now. Nope, this is great."

There was a chuckle from across the cave, the sound of scrabbling, a missed footfall and then Sheppard was sliding down next to him and leaning heavily into his shoulder.

McKay turned to the Colonel and sighed, "And you're not helping."

Sheppard smiled.

"Don't look at me like that. This is all your fault."

Sheppard laughed again and closed his eyes, elbow digging into McKay's side.

"You realise if we ever get out of this cave and off this miserable planet that Elizabeth is going to kick your ass," McKay clutched his handgun against his chest and attempted to move away from Sheppard.

Sheppard heaved in a shaky breath.

"And if you're sick again, either _near_ me or _on_ me, I'll kill you before that."

Sheppard leaned away from him and spat onto the floor of the cave, made a small gagging noise and then dropped his head back against the wall. Eyes closed. Swallowing convulsively.

"How do we even get into these situations?" McKay said watching as Sheppard groaned and rolled his head, "This was supposed to be a walk in the park. Easy, you said. Easy. This isn't easy. We're going to die up here you realise and it'll be all your fault."

Sheppard suddenly lurched forward and spat again.

"Don't you dare throw up!"

McKay pulled his legs towards him and edged away from Sheppard.

"It's your own fault. Self inflicted."

Sheppard groaned again, "Shut up," he slurred.

McKay shifted the grip on the gun. Sheppard was leaning again.

"Can you _please_ stay upright for one second?"

Sheppard reached out with an uncoordinated hand and planted it on the ground to steady himself.

He managed a whole five seconds before it gave way and he was leaning on his elbow, head nearly resting on McKay's knee.

"Give me the gun Ro…..Rodney," Sheppard hiccupped.

"And have you shoot me? Or the cave wall or a tree? _Anything_ but the actual enemy."

McKay carefully extricated Sheppard's head from his knee and moved into a crouch.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

Sheppard batted his hand away.

"I bet you're not even seeing double are you? Triple?"

Sheppard sighed heavily and raised his head, eyes tracking him lazily, "I'm….fine."

"You're _drunk_ Colonel. Incredibly, disgustingly _drunk_. I am _not_ giving you this gun."

"My gun."

"No, it's my gun now."

"Would you…" McKay tugged at Sheppard's arm and tried to get him upright, "Sit up!"

"You wanted…..the… Z," _Hiccup_, "P," _Hiccup_, "M."

Sheppard reached out with a groping hand, "Rodney."

"No."

"Rod-"

"No. Just sit and be quiet."

McKay held the gun away from Sheppard and kept his eyes on the cave opening.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Sheppard moaned for about the millionth time since they had run away.

"Feel sick."

McKay smirked. He couldn't help it. Sheppard's misery almost alleviated his own wretchedness at being held up in a damp cold cave.

"Of course you do."

Sheppard slid down the wall again and ended up resting on McKay's shoulder anyway.

"Could this day get any worse?" McKay mused.

TBC…………………


	2. Chapter 2

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"_Are you sure about this Sir?"_

Sheppard walked to the edge of the village, leaving behind him merriment and chatter, and covered his earpiece to hear better, "No Major. I'm not sure about this."

"_They definitely have a ZPM?"_

"They haven't let us see it. McKay said it would explain the reading he got when we first arrived here though."

"_And they said they'll give it to us if you-"_

"Yes if I," Sheppard finished miserably.

"_It's__…… your call Sir."_

"I was afraid you'd say that," Sheppard said with a smile.

Sometimes being a leader sucked.

"_Does it have to be you? Can't Ronon or McKay do the honours?"_

"I tried that," Sheppard provided, "_Believe_ me I tried, but they said it has to be me."

"_If you think it's worth it."_

"It's a ZPM, Atlantis's is nearly depleted and if all I have to do to get it is to-"

"_Engage in a drinking contest__, Sir?"_

"Yeah." Sheppard answered dryly.

There were days when he'd give anything for some wild abandonment, but off-world on a mission, wasn't one of those times. He had a feeling any decision he made would come back and bite him in the ass.

"McKay is going to whinge me to death if I don't do this." Sheppard sighed again, "Okay Major." _Decision time_. "Call in another team to guard the gate and fall back to our position. I don't think the natives are dangerous but just to be on the safe side I'd rather have back up if I'm out of action."

"_Elizabeth is going to ask why you want the extra back up."_

"Make something up Major. I'll explain myself when we get back. If I'm going back with a fully charged ZPM I don't think she'll mind somehow."

"_Okay Sir. Will do. We'll be with you in an hour."_

"I'll wait till you get here before……the fun begins."

"_Sir……you sure about this?"_

Sheppard chuckled, "No Major. See you in an hour."

Sheppard signed off and wandered back over to the rest of the team. They were sitting around a fire, drinking fruit juice and enjoying the crisp evening.

"Well?" McKay asked as he approached, hands already rubbing in anticipation.

"We're going ahead with this," Sheppard informed them.

"Colonel, are you sure?" Teyla stood to join him and looked concerned, "I have known these people for years. They….know how to drink."

Sheppard sank down next to McKay and picked at a plate of food, "I went to college Teyla."

"Could have fooled me," McKay snarked.

"Mensa remember," Sheppard said, "Probably not after this though….."

"Don't worry," Ronon said, "I'll have your back."

"Good. I've got Lorne coming up with his team too, just in case."

Teyla exchanged an insulted look between the two men, "They will cause you _no_ harm John."

"I'm sure they won't Teyla."

"Why can't they just _give_ us the ZPM," McKay moaned, "You know I could just go and –"

"We're not stealing it Rodney. These guys have a lot of allies in the Pegasus Galaxy. We could do to stay in their good books. For once. I'm just going to have to-"

"Get hammered to get the ZPM. How very noble of you." McKay said.

"Believe me Rodney. This is _less_ than ideal."

And Carson was going to kill him.

"Colonel Sheppard!" Maref clapped Sheppard on the back and Sheppard grimaced.

The man had hands like paddles and insisted on greeting him in that particularly uncomfortable way, every time they met.

"Maref."

Maref was a large bearded man and was all smiles and kindness. He didn't carry a weapon and seemed to be perpetually drunk.

"So……" Maref was bobbing up and down on his heels, "Do you agree to the terms?"

"He does," McKay announced.

Sheppard could sense that, A: McKay was enjoying this way too much and that B: he was about to ask about the ZPM again so he interrupted him before he had a chance.

"I do," Sheppard gave McKay a pointed glare, "I'm just waiting on a few friends before we get started."

"Oh no," Maref wailed unhappily, "We must begin soon. There's a storm coming and the night will only keep for so long. I've set up an area by the fire for us. Oh…. this is going to be fun Colonel. What better way to bond than over booze," he laughed heartily, "Come, come."

Sheppard nodded, "I'll…..uh….be right over."

Maref walked off and Sheppard started to strip away his gear. He handed McKay his 9mil, Ronon his P90 and Teyla his knife.

"This is a stupid idea," he muttered irritably.

"Sheppard, you better not lose," McKay said as Sheppard handed him another knife from his boot.

"Thank you for your words of encouragement buddy."

"I only mean-"

"I know what you mean," Sheppard snapped.

"You're definitely in a mood." McKay rocked back on his heels, arms crossed, smug expression gracing his face.

"I'm _not_ in a mood Rodney."

Sheppard slapped his last weapon into McKay's hand and reached for more meat off the plate. Well, he had to line his stomach with something. If only they had some milk…….

"Yes you are."

Sheppard ignored him, "Lorne will be arriving with back up within the hour. Make sure he gets this place _well_ secured. We don't need any surprises. First sign of trouble and we're out of here."

"Ronon has carrying duties," Teyla said with a smile.

"No, Ronon does not have carrying duties. I'll be able to walk."

Sheppard stuffed more meat into his mouth and chewed quickly.

"John. When was the last time you drank?"

Sheppard tried to think. "I had a beer………" Two months ago? Three? "At Christmas."

"That was five months ago."

Sheppard shrugged, "I'll be fine."

"Their drinks are a very…strong," Teyla warned.

"I once downed four shots of firewater. Now _that's_ strong."

"This water…is on fire?" Ronon asked.

Sheppard shook his head as he ate.

"And what happened?"

"I was…" Sheppard looked away embarrassed, "I was projectile vomiting for the next three days."

"Just keep thinking ZPM!" McKay said.

Oh God, this was such a bad idea. He hoped to God they were going to head back with a ZPM.

"Okay," Sheppard gave the camp one last look around, "Make _sure_ you keep an eye up at that hill. If anyone was going to-"

"Sheppard give it a rest. We're not going to get attacked by anyone. Isn't that right Teyla?"

"They are the only villagers on this planet Colonel. I trust them."

"Hear that?"

Sheppard stepped up to Ronon, "Just…any signs of a threat and you get out of here. I don't know what state I'm going to be walking away from here. I'll be a liability so just-"

Ronon nodded, "Don't worry Sheppard. Just enjoy yourself."

"I won't be enjoying myself."

"I didn't realise you were such a stick in the mud," McKay taunted.

"Just keep your eyes open. And this never happens again. I'm doing this for Atlantis."

"Fine."

"I don't condone drinking on off-world missions" Sheppard announced as he trudged off, "I mean it!"

"You know, it might do him some good to let his hair down for once," McKay pondered.

"You can escort him back to Atlantis tonight then," Ronon said patting his shoulder.

McKay followed after them, "Uh….no. I don't think so. Ronon!"

TBC……………………….


	3. Chapter 3

McKay hurried after Sheppard, which wasn't difficult; Sheppard was deliberately walking slowly like a man facing the electric chair. His head was dropped low and McKay could practically hear the man sigh.

"Sheppard!"

Sheppard stopped and turned and McKay guessed he'd do anything to delay the inevitable, "What?"

Sheppard just needed a little support. A pep talk.

"Just……pace yourself. Don't drink too fast, and did you eat enough? You need to line your stomach. And-"

McKay pulled out his last power bar and shoved it into Sheppard's hand. It was a chocolate one as well.

"Rodney," Sheppard looked over his shoulder to make sure Maref wasn't listening, "You're not helping."

"I'm just looking out for my investment."

Sheppard smiled and McKay quickly amended.

"_Obviously_ my ZPM."

Sheppard rolled his eyes, "This will be a walk in the park."

"Really?" McKay asked crossing his arms and rocking back on his heels.

"Yes. Easy."

He could tell that Sheppard was lying for his benefit.

"Oh god, you're going to fail aren't you? I _knew_ we should have said Ronon was our leader. At least he has a higher body mass index. Your just going to absorb that alcohol like a sponge and-"

"I'm _not_ underweight," Sheppard snapped, "And my BMI is fine!"

"Oh come on, you're practically a rake with hair. Even your hair's rakish come to think of it!"

Sheppard slapped McKay on the back of the head, "You'll be thanking me later when we're carrying home the goods."

"Just don't screw this up."

"I'll make a deal with you. You stay alert and I'll get the ZPM."

"Fine, stay alert…" McKay's eyes were already wandering, "Got it."

"I mean it Rodney. This is the most reckless thing I have ever done. Don't make me regret it."

"Isn't that the whole point of doing something reckless?"

Sheppard grit his teeth in despair, "Why do I have a feeling I will regret this?"

McKay tapped him on the shoulder, "Maref's waiting."

Shot 1.

Maref had a table set up next to a crackling fire and around them were seated the villagers. They were chatting away loudly, the air thick with excitement.

Oh God, thought Sheppard as he sat down. This was a _really_ bad idea. It was exactly the bad idea that would get him court marshalled, if he wasn't already the Commanding Officer. And Elizabeth was going to kill him. Make that Carson too.

It wasn't like he was opposed to drinking. They'd had a drink off-world now and again but never in such ridiculous quantities as to make them impaired. And he had a feeling, after this contest, he was definitely going to be impaired.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Jugs of something were put down in front of them with two shot glasses.

What was he thinking? Irresponsible didn't even cover it.

"You seem…..nervous Colonel Sheppard."

Sheppard smiled amiably and tried to relax his posture. Nervous. Why would he be nervous?

"Not nervous at all Maref," he lied.

"You'll enjoy this. I've already had five of these today," Maref gave him a friendly prod in the shoulder.

"Five?" Sheppard swallowed.

"Don't worry. That means I'm on poor form. Would have had eight of these by now."

Sheppard looked over to his team and back to Maref.

Eight? Surely, that meant they couldn't be that strong then. _Surely_.

"Good luck!" McKay called out from across the fire.

He was waving and smiling. Sheppard smiled back and rolled his eyes. The burden of responsibility was weighing heavily on him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ McKay would pay for this. He hadn't worked out how yet, but he would pay. Maybe he'd tell the kitchen staff to put citrus in everything for a month.

Sheppard waved back and McKay got a worried look on his face.

Yep, you better look worried Rodney.

"Well Colonel," Maref announced, as their first shots were poured out by a busty woman, "I have to say I'm impressed you took up the challenge."

His team had taken up the challenge, Sheppard thought.

"Are you sure….."

What was he going to say? Some traitorous part of him was goading him and telling him that if he tried to bow out now he would both offend Maref and disappoint his team. This was a ZPM on the line and Atlantis needed it.

That was a strange notion in itself. How could you disappoint a team by not getting wrecked?

He scanned the camp again.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

Sheppard dragged his eyes away from their methodical search of the horizon and accepted the glass being proffered to him.

"This is to a new alliance."

Maref raised his glass. Sheppard had a surreptitious sniff of the liquid before raising his and nearly gagged.

What the hell was in this stuff? Lighter fluid?

"To a new alliance," Sheppard said stiffly, "And a shot liver," he added for good measure.

Maref nodded and they downed their first shot.

It burnt all the way down, settled in a pool of fire in his stomach, but then it was surprisingly…….. okay.

Sheppard set down the glass and smiled. One down……..

"What do you think?"

"I feel good," Sheppard lied.

He was still absorbed in his surroundings. Checking and re-checking. He couldn't seem to switch off.

Maref laughed, "Good good. Deirdra, the next round my flower."

Shot 2.

Sheppard felt the burn of the alcohol the second time round. It wasn't entirely unpleasant. Kind of reminded him of firewater, only it was a little less potent and there wasn't a chilli lurking at the bottom of the glass.

Memories of college flooded back. He'd been so sick one night, he'd stumbled out into the quad, passed out in a bush and a passer-by had called an ambulance assuming he was dead. He wasn't, and when he woke up in the ambulance, he freaked out, and jumped out on a red light.

Oh and there was the time his dad had to pick him up from the county jail for drunk and disorderly behaviour. He never did find out where his pants went that night.

He was too old for that shit now.

The group around him were getting rowdy, laughing and cheering their shots. Not _unlike_ a college bar. He looked around. Smoky atmosphere. Check. Gaggle of friends lumping on generous quantities of peer pressure. Check. Oh God. He _was_ at college again!

Sheppard had an unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach. He figured it was either guilt or…it could have been the alcohol. It still seemed like an incredibly bad idea.

He kept glancing around the camp, on full alert, making sure there was nobody lurking where they shouldn't be. His hand crept down to his empty calf holster and he felt strangely naked. Vulnerable even.

"_We didn't know what to think. I mean, this guy was supposedly one of the most ruthless warlords in Afghanistan and suddenly he just sits down at our table."_

"_Oh yeah, you remember. Turns out he just wants to practice his English on us. Shep spent half the night talking to Skippy!"__  
"__He wouldn't even let you get up to go to the bathroom, remember?!"_

He could hear Mitch and Dex now, retelling that story over and over until it got way passed a joke.

Sheppard shook his head. There was a reason why he didn't drink often. He meandered between insanely happy and depressingly morbid. He didn't want his team to see him get morbid. Who knows what he would end up telling them. Probably about his lack of pants that night at the county jail. McKay would love that.

He looked over to his team and offered them an easy smile as shot three was placed in front of him.

Shot 3.

Where was Lorne anyway? He was supposed to be here by now.

Sheppard checked his watch and realized he had only been sat there for ten minutes. Only ten minutes?

Shot three was settling in his stomach and he was still on high alert. Alcohol was supposed to dull senses and yet he was feeling more paranoid than he usually did. The hairs at the back of his neck prickled. The horizon was still clear.

"How are you feeling Colonel?" Maref asked clapping him on his shoulder with his paddle hands, "Enjoying our drink?"

Sheppard nodded, "Very good Maref. You make this yourself?"

Maref drained the last of his shot glass, "We wouldn't drink anything else."

"It's ………..very good," Sheppard conceded.

And It was. It just wasn't what he needed tonight.

"Your friends aren't drinking?"

"Not tonight. I think one of us is enough."

"You are safe here Colonel. I'm sure Teyla has testified such truth."

Shepard licked his lips, hand still on his empty holster.

"Yes….she did."

"Then you need to relax. I'm sure you find being a leader stressful at the best of times."

Sheppard rolled his shoulders to ease the ache from his stiff posture.

If he really thought about it, he was a little bit stressed. Most nights he tossed and turned with anxiety, leaving nothing more than tangled sheets the next morning for his efforts.

And with the constant threat of attack, breaking in of new recruits and the daily tasks around Atlantis, he didn't have all that much time left for himself.

"Relax," Maref repeated. The mantra almost mesmerizing.

Sheppard unzipped his tactical vest. It looked like he was going to be in it for the long haul. No sense in being uncomfortable.

He stretched his legs under the table and watched as shot four was poured out.

Shot 4.

Ronon understood Sheppard's need to be in constant control. It was an aspect of him that defined him as a good leader. Always on alert. Always ready to fight. So he knew, that having his senses dulled, and his control pulled away would be the worst thing for him. He vowed to make sure nothing happened while they were out here, so every few minutes he cast his eyes around the camp.

"Oh…not you as well," McKay said with a sigh.

McKay was oddly relaxed this evening and Ronon knew it had to do with two things. A possible ZPM and the ritual humiliation of Sheppard.

"Sheppard told me to keep my eyes open."

"Nothing is going to happen here," Teyla reminded them, "I have stayed here many times and Maref has always been hospitable. This is a safe haven."

"Does he look drunk yet?" McKay asked hopefully, sitting up in his seat and craning his neck, "Elizabeth is going to kill him."

"Is that all you care about McKay?" Ronon asked, hand resting on his own weapon.

McKay shot him an irritated look, "I care about getting that ZPM, and just maybe…"

"Seeing Colonel Sheppard squirm," Teyla finished for him.

She shook her head like a disproving mother and tapped McKay on the shoulder.

"What? Oh come on. It's harmless fun."

"You pushed him into this Rodney."

"He wants this ZPM as much as I do."

They were interrupted by the sounds of raucous laughter and they looked over to see Sheppard slamming his glass down onto the table and wiping his mouth. He sat back with a smirk and waited for Maref to do the same. Maref, a seasoned drinker, had no problems disposing of the liquid.

"More!" he shouted out to his server.

"More," Sheppard agreed.

"See," McKay said gesturing with his head, "He's having fun."

"Perhaps this is not the best of ideas," Teyla said, second thoughts, obviously nagging her.

"Hey, I didn't see you two try to stop him when he agreed."

They were both silent and McKay smiled in victory.

TBC………………….


	4. Chapter 4

Shot 6.

Where was Lorne? Sheppard checked his watch, the face blurring a little under his scrutiny and he unzipped his tac vest all the way. This stuff was strong. Where was Lorne anyway?

Ah screw it. Who cared. He'd be here soon. Uh…..no. He shook his head and tried to get rid of the fog that was beginning to smother and muffle his responses.

He did care. He did.

Sheppard forced clarity into his booze addled brain. He had to care because he was in charge. He stifled a laugh. Why was that so funny?

Shot six was in front of him, all liquidy and clear and inviting. He drank it quickly, felt it burn and build warmth into his loosened muscles.

He was so relaxed. Hadn't felt so relaxed in a long time.

He removed his hand from his calf holster and let it rest above the table, moving the glass around while he waited for the next shot.

"Ah," Maref muttered as he finished his drink, "Time for a little break."

Sheppard blinked, "Already?"

"Goes straight through me!" Maref announced loudly.

Sheppard nodded. He could do to pee. And he could take the opportunity to check his team were okay and aware.

He reminded himself not to let his guard down. They were here on business, not pleasure and he was doing this for Atlantis and Elizabeth and his team.

"Five minutes," Sheppard nodded and went to stand.

Woah. The world decided to tip and rotate and he had to hold onto the table to get his bearings.

"Feeling it?" Maref asked as he watched Sheppard struggle.

Maref seemed to enjoy Sheppard's drunken display.

"I'm…..fine," Sheppard grinned.

He shouldn't be grinning. He should be stoic and collected. Definitely not grinning like an idiot.

He blinked, looked for his team and headed in as straight a line as he could towards them.

When he reached them, Teyla was the first out of her seat and gripping hold of him.

"Bathroom break," Sheppard provided with a sigh.

"How's it going?" McKay asked getting into Sheppard's space and checking his eyes, "How drunk are you?"

Sheppard batted him away, "I'm fine. Any sign of Lorne?"

God, was he slurring? He sounded like he was slurring.

"No, not yet."

"He should be here soon,"

He checked his watch again and wished it would stop moving around.

Sheppard nodded, "Fine. I'm going to pis-" he met Teyla's eyes and amended his statement, "I'm going for a short break."

"Do you need one us to go with you?" Teyla asked.

Sheppard found that statement funny. He didn't laugh out loud, but something, some form of amusement bubbled under the surface.

"I've got this one," he said tripping as he moved off.

He'd been walking towards the tree line searching for an area to relieve himself when McKay fell into step beside him.

"I _said_ I've got this," Sheppard snapped irritably.

"I know, I know, look….are you okay?"

Sheppard reeled on him, "I'm fine."

"Because," McKay looked over his shoulder and back towards the camp, "Teyla and Ronon are beginning to think this is a bad idea, but you're fine right?"  
"That's what I said."

"I mean, it's not like I forced you into this. You wouldn't have agreed if you didn't think it was worth it. Right?"

Sheppard walked off, "Feeling a little guilty?"

"No," McKay caught up to him again, "No, not at all. You can do this right?"

"You realize I'll probably lose."

"I thought you said this would be easy."

"It would if Maref didn't have an iron cast stomach. Did you see him when he got up from the table? He barely stumbled."

"Well, you've eaten today. It'll soak up some of the alcohol."

Sheppard looked away guiltily and then headed away from him.

McKay grabbed him by the arm, spun him around and Sheppard had to reach out for his shoulder for support.

"You have haven't you?"

"I had breakfast," Sheppard informed him, "And a bit of meat."

"You're drinking on an empty stomach!"

"Well, I kind of forgot about lunch. I was too busy checking the perimeter and…it slipped my mind."

"Where's that power bar I gave you?"

Sheppard shrugged and before he knew it McKay was assaulting him, pulling at his tac vest and checking the pockets.

"Hey!"

McKay found the power bar crammed into Sheppard's side pocket and shoved it into his hand.

"Eat it."

Sheppard grimaced, "I need to pee McKay."

"Eat the power bar and then you can pee."

"Can't I pee and _then_ eat the power bar."

"That's just…" McKay looked aghast, "Unhygenic. Eat."

Sheppard struggled with the wrapping, tore it open and sank his teeth into the bar, "Happy now?" he asked around a mouthful of food. He would have poked his tongue out but he fought back the child-like compulsion.

McKay gave him a weird look, "Just…..hurry up and get back to camp before we have to send a search party after you."

"I'm not drunk McKay. I'm fine."

Sheppard wandered off into the trees.

McKay remained standing in the clearing, his hand resting over his handgun, feeling ridiculous and inadequate to protect a man who should be protecting him.

"McKay!"

"What?"

"Go away."

Shot 8.

He was in college again. Lining up shots and downing them one by one, careless of responsibility and repercussions.

Except, he wasn't.

He was a thirty nine year old Colonel, sitting out in a field, drinking with a man with paddle hands, watched by a hundred spectators.

_And_ he was leaning on the table, supporting his head with one hand and holding up a shot in the other. He was drunk, pretending not be drunk. But most defiantly drunk.

Shot 9.

Major Lorne had double timed it to the village, his band of marines following him. When they arrived in the village, they were immediately struck by how happy each person sounded. There was the sound of laughter, light music and everyone was gathered around a big fire.

He saw Sheppard's team huddled around the fire and he heard Sheppard before he saw him.

"One, two, three!" Sheppard slammed down his upturned glass and raised a hand jubilantly.

"Colonel…." Maref was choking with laughter.

Sheppard seemed to be leaning heavily on the table, "I really…really….want that ZPM!"

And then he laughed hard. As if it were the funniest thing he had ever said.

"Doctor McKay," Lorne came to sit beside the group and instructed his team to secure the perimeter, "How many drinks are we in?"

McKay shrugged, "I think it's number eight or nine."

"And he's still sitting upright?"

Lorne had to admit, he was impressed

"Lorne!"

Lorne turned and noticed Sheppard was waving at him.

Lorne raised an eyebrow and waved back, "Is he…okay?"

"He is very…happy," Teyla provided thoughtfully.

It was a nice thing to see. Sheppard didn't look stressed or worried. He was leaning casually in his chair, soaking up the environment around him. He looked like a civilian. Not a man responsible of hundreds of personnel and carrying the heavy burden of command.

"He's going to be sick as a dog tomorrow."

"I know," McKay said with a smile, "It's great."

"You realise Doctor Beckett is going to kill him for this."

"And Elizabeth. It's just a shame Caldwell's back on earth at the moment."

"Rodney," Teyla chided.

"Sorry. I'm just getting him back for telling me I ate citrus last week."

Ronon smiled.

Lorne remembered the incident clearly. McKay had scrambled up out of his seat and rushed to the infirmary.

"Who knew you could _actually_ bring on an anaphylactic reaction just by yourself."

"Funny, Major. Very Funny."

"So…where's this ZPM?"

"We get to have it after this," McKay said, eyes trained on Sheppard.

Lorne was feeling on edge, "I think maybe he's had enough don't you?"

McKay turned to him with a disgusted expression, "He's a grown man. Sort of. He'll stop when he's had enough."

"Doctor McKay, if he's had eight shots in…" he checked his watch, "Just under an hour he's going to be doing himself some real damage. We should call it."

"And lose the ZPM?"

Lorne nodded, "It's his health at risk."

McKay shook his head, "Major, we need that ZPM. Next time the wraith attack, and they will, we're screwed."

"And if he has another drink, his liver will be screwed."

"Perhaps Major Lorne is right," Teyla agreed, "I do not wish to see the Colonel unwell."

Lorne didn't wait for an answer. He ignored McKay's protests and approached the drinking table. He leaned against it and stopped at level with Sheppard's ear.

"Sir….can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sheppard turned to him, bleary eyed and nodded, "Maref meet Lorne. Lorne meet Maref. I'll be right back."

Sheppard struggled to get upright and Lorne pulled him away from the table.

"I think you've had enough Sir. This guy doesn't even look effected by the drink."

Sheppard reached up and used Lorne's shoulder to lean, "I'm….fine," he said.

"I don't think you are."

"Lorne. I have this under control. I really think I can beat him at his own game."

Lorne looked down at the ground.

"We _need_ this ZPM."

"Sir…"

"Lorne. I am…ord…ode…..ordering you to sit down. I'm seeing this through to the end."

"But sir."

"_But_ Lorne," Sheppard said patting him on the shoulder, "We're not leaving without that ZPM."

And he staggered off back to the table.

Shot 10.

Sheppard downed shot ten, felt it settle for all of three seconds and then promptly threw up all over his boots. He heaved and gasped as bile burned his throat and held one hand out to whoever it was that kept trying to rub at his back.

"Oh god…." He muttered miserably, "We're leaving _without_ that ZPM."

He wiped at his mouth and went for round two of heaving his insides up.

Maref was laughing and clapping him on the back as he leaned forward and spit onto the ground.

"Colonel," he said loudly, "The…..ZPM….is yours."

Sheppard looked up blearily, "Wh…"

The rest of his team were joining him and Teyla was wiping his hair off his forehead. He stilled her hand, closed his eyes to reorient himself and promptly threw up again.

"John, are you okay?"

Sheppard cracked an eye open at her, "Do I look okay?"

"Oh you are so drunk," McKay added with great mirth.

Sheppard reached out to grab him and missed. Ronon gave McKay a punch in the shoulder for him.

"Ow!"

"Do not make fun of John," Teyla was rubbing at his neck now and it just made Sheppard feel worse.

"I must admit something to you." Maref sounded ridiculously happy. "I have………been drinking water."

Sheppard wanted to throw up again. Water? If he had enough strength he would have strangled paddle hands there and then.

"What?" Lorne sounded pissed.

They were all talking over Sheppard's head, ignoring him as he leaned forward and tried to quell his nausea.

Ronon's voice was a low, angry rumble, Teyla was offering him soothing words and McKay was enquiring the location of his ZPM.

"Here," Sheppard was pulled from his misery and a glass was placed into his shaking hands, "Have some water. Clear your head."

Sheppard took it and sipped at it, and immediately spit it out again when it turned out to be alcohol.

Maref laughed, "Sorry Colonel, couldn't resist it."

"Funny," Sheppard choked out as he spat on the ground.

He hadn't felt this bad in years. Last time he had drank himself into a state was after Holland's death and even that was tame in comparison.

Someone was grabbing him under his armpits and hauling him into an upright position. A position he didn't want to be in. his legs felt like rubber as he was tugged and pulled and finally he was set down on a bench.

He immediately went into squat mode, head between his knees and breathing in hiccupping gulps of smoky air. Teyla sat beside him and rubbed at his back, while the others all talked over him. He thought he heard something about McKay and Lorne going off to get their prize, but he never heard them leave. He was too busy trying to reign in the contents of his stomach.

TBC…………………..


	5. Chapter 5

McKay stalked across the camp, deliberately stepped over a gathering of villagers chatting by the fire and headed towards Maref's tent.

"McKay!"

Anger was motivating him, blotting out everything around him that he only stopped walking when Lorne grabbed him by the wrist.

"Doctor McKay, would you just calm down for one second."

"Calm down?" McKay repeated belligerently, "Calm down! They lied to us Major. They told us they had a ZPM and this……" he took a deep breath, " –this…. is _not_ a ZPM!"

He could hear the vitriol in his own voice and still didn't think there was enough in it.

He thrust the object he was clutching in his hand under Lorne's nose.

"Okay, so Maref was obviously mistaken, but if you go in there shouting the odds you could damage relations between Atlantis and –"

"They don't have anything to offer us Major," McKay shouted, ignoring the offended looks coming his way, "All they have is this…..this…….rock!"

"Would you keep your voice down? Okay, so you're disappointed but-"

"Disappointed!" McKay laughed bitterly, "That's an understatement."

"Just calm down."

"Stop telling me to calm down. I am _not_ calm."

"I realise that."

"No Major I don't think you do. We have been wasting our time here and Sheppard is just plain …………_wasted_ and for what?!"

McKay balled his fist up and turned to see Teyla and Ronon walking towards them from the direction of the field.

"Rodney?"

Teyla reached him and gave him a critical look before turning back to Lorne.

"They don't have a ZPM," Lorne provided helpfully.

"Oh," Teyla said.

"Oh," McKay repeated, "Oh, is that all you have to say?"

"Maref must have been mistaken."

"That's what I said," Lorne agreed with a nod and then promptly clamped his mouth shut when McKay gave him a pointed look.

"I'm going to give Maref a piece of my mind."

"McKay, I'll deal with this, you just-" Lorne stopped mid-sentence and looked from Ronon to Teyla, "Where's the Colonel?"

"Yes, where is he?" McKay asked, "Oh don't tell me you've lost him."

Teyla gave McKay an aggrieved look.

"He's in the field," Ronon said.

"The field?"

"Yeah."

Ronon didn't look the least bit concerned, in fact he looked a little bit amused.

"And you just left him alone?"

McKay paced back and forth in an attempt to diffuse his anger, the rock curled between his fingers.

"McKay, go and keep Sheppard company. We'll talk to Maref."

"So now I'm relegated to babysitting duties. I want to talk to him. He lied to us."

"He might not have understood what you meant at the time you explained-" Lorne groaned, "You _did_ explain to him what a ZPM was and what it looked like? Please tell me you did."

"You know," McKay started angrily, "You're starting to sound like Sheppard!"

"Rodney," Ronon warned.

"Well he said he had one. I assumed he knew what one was if he was saying he had one. You don't just claim to have…..fine…okay, I didn't exactly explain-"

"Go and stay with Sheppard."

McKay sighed heavily and traipsed out towards the field.

-------------------------------------------

Sheppard opened his eyes, went to turn his head and thought better of it when his vision swam. He didn't know how long he had stayed there listening to the sounds of argument carried over by the wind. Time seemed to stop and all he could do was feel completely out of it. He hated not having any control. If he could have, he would have got up and seen what all the shouting was about but he couldn't seem to get going.

After a while he heard the sounds of movement, feet rustling through the grass and then a voice,

"What are you doing?"

Sheppard opened his eyes and saw the starlit sky blotted out by McKay's face.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're lying in the middle of a field."

Sheppard swallowed back the feeling of sickness he was beginning to feel, waved a hand out at him and then let it fall back into the grass.

He _was_ lying spread eagled in the middle of a field. It had seemed to make sense at the time. He wanted to get away from the villagers, away from Maref, the smoky fires and staggering off and collapsing in the meadow had felt like just what he needed. And up until a few minutes ago he had Teyla and Ronon for company.

Sheppard closed his eyes again and yet he could feel a set of eyes still watching him.

"Go away," he muttered.

When he opened his eyes McKay was inches away from his face and looking at him with a disgusted expression, "You should drink some water."

"I don't want ………any water."

"It'll make you feel better."

There were the sounds of sloshing and McKay was nudging his shoulder with a canister. Sheppard wasn't convinced. In fact the only thing he was convinced of at that moment was that if he drank said water it would come right back up.

"I _don't_ want it."

"Then at least have something to eat."

There were more rustling sounds, Velcro being ripped open and then something landed on his stomach.

"Don't say I never give you anything. That's my last power bar."

Sheppard swiped the bar off his stomach and groaned, "I _don't_ want it."

"Colonel, you need to eat."

"I need to lie here in silence."

A warm body settled beside him and when Sheppard cracked an eye open, McKay was sitting in the grass next to him, his knee digging into his side and he was crossly tearing out grass and ripping it into shreds.

"You-"

"_Silence_ Rodney."

He was beginning to miss Teyla and Ronon. They had let him lie there, hadn't forced food and water on him, hadn't tried to move him. McKay was already annoying him and he'd been there all of three minutes.

Something else landed on his chest, something heavy and pressing.

"I don't _want_ a power bar."

"It's your ZPM."

Sheppard managed to lift his head up and the thing that was lying on his chest was definitely _not_ a ZPM.

"Rodney."

McKay was still plucking at the grass angrily.

"Why is there a rock on my chest?"

"I thought you wanted silence."

Sheppard dropped his head back into the grass, blew out a nauseous breath and sighed.

"Maref was mistaken about having a ZPM in his possession. What he _does_ have is this nifty rock here that does ….hmm…..nothing, because…… it's a rock."

"You've got to be kidding me?"

"I wish I was."

Sheppard couldn't help it. He laughed loudly.

"Stop it!"

Sheppard tried to stop laughing but he was finding the whole situation hilarious. How in the hell was he going to explain that he got in a drinking contest over a rock?

"Shut up," McKay gave him a prod in the side.

Sheppard managed to push himself upright and started to stagger to his feet. The world all the while was tilting away from him.

"What are you doing?"

McKay was grabbing hold of him and trying to steady him unsuccessfully.

"I'm going to kill him."

McKay rolled his eyes, "After me."

Sheppard slid out of his grip and back onto the grass. He leaned forwards and rested his forehead on the ground, hands planted either side of his head.

"What are you doing now?"

"I feel………." Sheppard coughed and he knew McKay was taking an exaggerated step back.

"You know, this is just great," he heard McKay say, "Just great."

--------------------

McKay had hold of one Sheppard's arms and Ronon had hold of the other and between them they were half dragging, half carrying Sheppard through the forest. Sheppard wasn't helping them at all, he was moaning that he didn't want to be moved and McKay was trying to explain to him that they couldn't stay in Maref's village because McKay had inadvertently offended the man and they had been told non to succinctly to go back to Atlantis for the night.

"I want to lie down," Sheppard grumbled trying to slip out of their hold.

"You can't lie down." McKay snapped, "Just keep putting one foot in front of the other."

"I wanted to stay. I liked it there."

McKay looked over at Ronon, who simply smiled and hauled Sheppard up by his arm.

"I told you. We can't stay."

"Doctor McKay insulted Maref, Colonel. No way was he going to let us stay tonight," Lorne said throwing a look over his shoulder.

McKay could tell that Lorne was angry but he was still insistent that it wasn't his fault. Maref had lied to them and left Sheppard in a state. No doubt, when they got back to Atlantis it would all be deemed his fault.

He was distracted by Sheppard trying to pull out of their grip again, intent on walking by himself, but he was listing to one side and it was obvious it wasn't going to happen.

"What did you say Rodney?" Sheppard asked, breathing alcohol into his face.

"Nothing."

"He called Maref a big fat drunk," Ronon supplied unhelpfully.

"Well he is," McKay shot back.

Sheppard chuckled, "You're going to have to apologise."

Sheppard would usually be angry at this stage and his pliant state made McKay a little nervous. He wasn't used to seeing him like this. He certainly wasn't used to feeling responsible for him.

"I'm not apologising to him. Would _you_ stay upright?"

Sheppard leaned into their grip, "I want to lie down."

"You're like a child, you know that?"

"I feel like crap, I need to lie down."

"We'll be back at the gate soon," Teyla said falling into step with them and pressing a comforting hand on Sheppard's back.

She was talking to him as if he were a child too, unsure of how to deal with him.

"Why did you let me drink?"

McKay groaned. Could this day get any worse?

"I didn't _let_ you drink…" And then he faltered. Because he had.

In fact he'd practically poured the alcohol down his throat. Sheppard hadn't wanted to let his guard down but McKay had pestered and prodded until Sheppard had been given no other choice. A ZPM had been at stake after all.

"Yes," Sheppard slurred, "You did. I didn't want to. I feel like crap."

"Yes, yes," McKay babbled, "If you had eaten before-"

"I told you……….. I forgot!" Sheppard hissed angrily.

"And that makes it okay?"

"Doctor McKay, stop antagonizing him." He heard Lorne say.

McKay clamped his mouth shut.

"Oh god," Sheppard leaned into Ronon's shoulder, "Oh God."

"Are you okay?" Teyla asked quietly.

"No," Sheppard moaned, "No, I'm not okay. I'm so drunk."

"Just……." Teyla was evidently at a loss for words, "Just keep going. We will be home soon."

"I haven't been this drunk in ages," Sheppard's feet got tangled in McKay's and they had to right him.

McKay knew that to be truth. The most he'd ever seen Sheppard drink was three beers at Christmas and even then he had been coiled like a spring, unable to relax, unable to let his guard down. Now with his defences crumbled, obliterated even, Sheppard had no other choice but to be unguarded.

"Last time I was this drunk Holland died."

They were all silent. Uncomfortable at Sheppard actually speaking the truth. They weren't meant to hear him say that. Sheppard had distance for a reason.

"Damn tequila," Sheppard ground out, "I _hate_ tequila."

"Well you weren't drinking tequila tonight," McKay said.

"No I was drinking something _much_ worse. Where's my side arm?"

"I have it."

"Can I have it back?"

"No," McKay said and got a nasty look from Ronon.

"I might need it."

McKay was getting sick of this. Sheppard was all over the place, he could barely walk and he'd asked for his gun three times already. There was no way, in is current state, was he going to get his hands on a weapon. He'd probably shoot himself, or worse McKay, in the foot if he got his hands on one.

He couldn't be trusted with a weapon. Usually he could.

"You won't need it."

"But I might." Sheppard breathed in deeply in what was a vain attempt to make himself feel better, "I'm fine."

"Please Colonel…." Teyla started to say.

"I want my sidearm. I'm…..I feel…" Sheppard said looking from McKay to Ronon and then to Teyla, "I feel naked. I need it."

"You won't."

"Oh god, can we stop?"

"You know you moan a lot when you're drunk."

"I moan a lot when I feel sick."  
Lorne up ahead suddenly held up a closed fist and stopped dead. McKay and Ronon mimicked him, stopping abruptly themselves and hearing Sheppard make a "hmmph" noise. They held Sheppard as tightly as they could. He was slumping again, head bowed down, eyes closed.

"What is it?" McKay hissed.

"The fist means shut up," Sheppard provided from his limp position.

Lorne seemed to be listening to someone on the radio and his back was tense. Something was happening. Ronon released Sheppard and Teyla took up his position of supporting the Colonel.

"What's going on?" McKay asked again in a hushed voice.

"What's happening?" Sheppard asked raising his head.

"I do not know," Teyla said, "I…….." She stopped talking and raised a hand to her head.

"Oh no," McKay uttered realising what she was doing, "Don't say it. Not now."

Sheppard looked confused as he watched McKay.

Teyla gritted her teeth, "I am sorry Doctor McKay but I am sensing-"

Lorne turned around, "Three wraith darts have landed east of the gate and they're inbound on our position."

"What?" McKay's first instinct to start running was hampered by Sheppard leaning heavily into his shoulder.

This was all wrong. Sheppard would usually be taking up a defensive stance, unlatching the safety on his P90, giving out orders, looking strong and unbreakable in the face of action. Now he looked pathetic. He was standing awkwardly, hands checking his tac vest for a weapon, eyes moving sluggishly and looking brittle, like a strong wind could blow him over.

Lorne was pulling a life signs detector out of his pocket and intermittently looking between it and up at the sky, "We need to get moving. Teyla, can you head back with Marks and Stevens and tell Maref to keep a low profile. Ronon, Marsh, Jenson I need you to track the wraith and take them out. McKay….." he hesitated, "-Sir, you're with me."

"What?" McKay couldn't hide the hysteria in his voice, "We're splitting up?"

Sheppard was attempting to get upright, his knees locking, his hand going out for a nearby tree, "How far away are they?" he asked blinking heavily.

"Two miles south east," Lorne answered curtly.

"okay," Sheppard licked his lips, "Give me my gun."

Lorne ignored him and turned to McKay, "We need to get you and the Colonel out of harms way. I saw a cave up on that incline on the way in. The others will deal with the wraith."

McKay felt overwhelmed with panic. He couldn't be responsible for Sheppard. He just couldn't. He wasn't brave or…dammit, he just wasn't brave!

"We need to get out of here."

"We will."

"No I mean back to the gate, away from this planet!"

"We know Wraith darts often operate alone on scouting missions. We need to take these guys out so they don't send more."

"But-"

"Doctor McKay help me get Sheppard up to safety!"

McKay gripped hold of Sheppard and Lorne took his other arm.

"I'm fine, just give me a weapon," Sheppard slurred pushing them both off.

He was trying to stand on his own, trying to breathe sobriety into his stance but it wasn't working. The swaying was a dead giveaway. He zipped up his tactical vest with clumsy fingers and pressed down the pockets.

Lorne wasn't making any moves to give him a weapon.

"Major!"

Lorne looked embarrassed, "Sir, I'm really sorry but I'm relieving you of command on this one."

"What and he was in command before that?" McKay announced.

"Just get moving," Lorne said.

Teyla and her marines were already moving off, Ronon and his were taking off in the direction of the wraith and that just left the three of them.

"Doctor McKay, do you have your sidearm?"

"And Sheppard's."

"And mine," Sheppard stated in an aggrieved voice, "Give it here, I'll need it."

Lorne grabbed Sheppard either side of his shoulders, "Sir, we need to move now. We'll give you a weapon when we're safely hidden."

Lorne was lying, Sheppard wasn't buying it.

"Let's get out of here," Mckay added looking around nervously.

Sheppard rubbed at his face and groaned, "This is…_exactly_ why I said drinking was a bad idea."

McKay felt pervaded by guilt. This was his fault. Not that he would admit it.

"If I die out here, I'm going to haunt you in my afterlife," Sheppard grumbled, "This is stupid….really………" he tailed off.

Lorne grabbed Sheppard's arm and started to tug him towards the incline, "Come on Sir."

"You should go without me," McKay heard Sheppard say into Lorne's ear, "I'm a damn liability now. Just leave me here."

"We're not leaving you Sir."

"I'm…….I'm not going to be any use out here."

The tone of Sheppard's voice, the defeat, the utter terror at being helpless wasn't lost on McKay. It was as if Sheppard had been stripped of his militarization by the alcohol and left in its place was a scared civilian.

"Which is why we're getting you to safety."

Sheppard looked completely crushed.

"Get Rodney to safety, forget about me."

"You're not _thinking_ straight."

"Damn it," Sheppard ground out, "I'll slow you down, I'll be a-"

"Sir?" Lorne interrupted, "We _need_ to move now!"

Sheppard nodded tiredly.

"Come on," McKay managed to strangle out of his throat.

He reached out for Sheppard's other arm and they started to run.

TBC……………………………………


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as they started running, or staggering in Sheppard's case, the skies decided to open and within minutes they were all completely sodden with thunder an accompaniment to their every squelching footfall.

Lorne reached out for a passing tree and used it as leverage to haul himself up the incline. He stopped to give McKay a hand and pushed him on. Sheppard stubbornly ignored his outstretched hand, shot him an irritated look and half jogged ahead of him.

Lorne had never expected to take command under such strange circumstances. It wasn't often the second in command assumed control because the CO was stinking drunk. He was seriously dreading writing up his mission report.

Sheppard stopped up ahead and as Lorne joined him he could hear McKay's voice cutting through the sheeting rain.

"_Keep_ moving!"

Sheppard held a hand out and turned away. He ran to a nearby tree and using it for support started retching.

"Oh this is just…" McKay turned in a tight circle, hands clenching and unclenching, bobbing on his heels nervously, "We don't have time for this."

Sheppard didn't turn around, just held out a hand weakly and waved him on.

"You think I'm just going to leave you here? Just hurry up!"

Lorne reached McKay and held his P90 up, scanning their surroundings with a keen eye. He was disquietly nervous, unused to being responsible for Sheppard, someone far more capable than him.

Sheppard spat, looked as though he was going to join them and then leaned into the tree again for round two.

"Tell him to hurry up," McKay ordered.

Lorne blinked rain water out of his eyes and risked a smirk, "I don't think he's doing it on purpose."

"How has he got anything left in his stomach?"

Lorne noticed that McKay had his 9.mil out and was clutching it with a white knuckle grip.

"The wraith are off in that direction," Lorne said gesturing vaguely, "We're okay for now. He has time."

Sheppard finally stilled, wiped a hand across his mouth and weaved towards them, "Why are you waiting?" he gritted out, "Don't wait for me."

Lorne reached out for his shoulder and pushed him on, "Not going to happen, Sir."

"What happened to not leaving people behind?" McKay snapped angrily.

Sheppard sighed, walked on and Lorne caught him saying, "It doesn't apply to me."

They made steady progress up the hill, Sheppard didn't make any more pit stops and McKay seemed motivated enough by fear to keep moving without another complaint.

They made it up to the sheltered cave Lorne had seen on his way in and quickly scanned the tree line again before ushering them inside.

Within the cave it was dark and dank but at least it was dry.

McKay was peeling off his jacket and squeezing out excess rain water and Sheppard was leaning against the wall heavily, obstinately refusing to sit down and take a brief respite.

"So what now?" Sheppard asked rubbing at his eyes and blinking several times as if he were having trouble focusing.

Lorne clipped his P90 back onto his vest and checked his handgun, "Are you going to be okay up here?" He pulled out his LSD and ignored Sheppard's glare, "The wraith are off to the east, no where near here."

Sheppard pushed off the wall and came to stand beside him at the mouth of the cave, hands moving restlessly, "I'm coming with you."

Lorne didn't know what to say. Sheppard was in no state to go running around the forest chasing the bad guys.

"Sir, I think that would be a bad idea."

Sheppard closed his eyes and heaved in a deep breath, "Lorne. I'm not going to sit up here while my men are putting their lives on the line."

Lorne looked over to where McKay was watching them with wide eyes, his gun still affixed in his hand.

"You can barely stand."

"I'm fine," Sheppard pleaded.

The unmistakeable slur, the smell of alcohol and Sheppard's withering gait weren't convincing him.

"Sir, as you said, you would be a liability. I need to move quickly. You'd slow me down."

Sheppard's hands were clenching again as realisation dawned, "Okay, fine. At least give me a weapon so I can protect myself."

"You have McKay for that."

Sheppard looked over to McKay and smiled, "I can still pull a trigger."

"Sir……….."

Sheppard grabbed him by the arm and hauled him outside and into the rain. McKay hovered in the cave and Lorne thought he heard him say something along the lines that it was raining out there. Lorne wiped rain out of his eyes. No shit.

"Major," Sheppard was holding onto his shoulder, trying to force composure and losing, "I can't just…….I can't just sit up here and do nothing."

"Sir," A rumble of thunder and a clap of lightening had them both looking up to the darkened skies, "Stay here."

Sheppard wasn't himself and Lorne could see why the man didn't like to drink. It changed him.

"How about you keep an eye on the LSD? Make sure nothing comes your way?"

Lorne felt like he was patronising a small child, but Sheppard appeared to soften a little. He seemed to appreciate the gesture of responsibility.

"I…I can do that."

"Good. I'll be as quick as I can. I'll contact you when I reach the others."

Sheppard had nothing more to say. Lorne took off down the hill and towards the others. He turned back at one point to see Sheppard still standing at the mouth of the cave and in the rain. A few seconds later and he heard McKay utter something unintelligible through the rain and he was jostling Sheppard back into the safety of the cave.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Can this day get any worse?" McKay muttered.

Sheppard was still sitting beside him, arms digging into his side, feet outstretched before him, the Life Signs Detector clutched in his hands. Sheppard was studying it closely and kept blinking as if the effort hurt his eyes. McKay could understand that Sheppard felt left out, was angry at his inability to be the one protecting and so was taking the mission to keep his eyes on the LSD seriously.

"Give me my gun McKay," he asked for the millionth time without looking up.

McKay was tired of this game, "No."

"Lorne wasn't serious."

"I think he was," McKay looked towards the caves mouth and back to Sheppard.

He wanted to be watching the LSD. He didn't trust Sheppard in his state to even _see_ the blips on the screen. He felt guilty again. Sheppard was in this state because he had made him drink.

"What if something comes in here?"

McKay sighed, "Then I'll shoot it."

He was beginning to sound like Sheppard and it irritated them. How had their roles become reversed like this?

"With the safety on?" Sheppard slurred.

McKay checked his 9.mil and un-clicked the safety.

"You wait. Something comes in here; you'll be passing that back to me."

McKay groaned and urged Lorne to hurry up.

Sheppard was scary when he was drunk. His moods were erratic and unpredictable, He meandered from brooding, to playful, to depressed and back again………….it was annoying.

"Anything?" McKay asked nervously.

Sheppard shook his head and swallowed thickly.

"I can't believe you wanted me to leave you behind," McKay snorted, "You're such an idiot."

"Yeah well…." Sheppard groaned and eased himself upright a bit, leaning against McKay again, "I'm………" He closed his eyes.

"Don't." McKay warned.

"I'm fine," Sheppard gritted out, "Just…..dizzy."

"You're a lousy drunk."

"Oh," Sheppard turned to him, "And I suppose you're a great drunk?"

"Well, I don't throw up every few seconds and moan about being drunk. I'm quite refined actually. I just sit and brood. _Quietly_."

Sheppard crossed his legs and straightened up, "I _sit_ and brood _quietly_."

"No, you do that when you're sober."

"I'm……I'm a great drunk," Sheppard slurred, "I happen to be very funny and charming and…"

He coughed and spat onto the mud again.

"Charming."

Sheppard continued to lean heavily off to one side, "Shut up Rodney."

"Can't hold your drink," McKay sniped, momentarily forgetting their situation.

Sheppard sat upright again, "Ten shots," he said, "Ten shots. Anyway, keep your eyes open."

"Keep yours on the LSD."

Sheppard leaned over the LSD and watched it intently. It didn't take him long.

"Ten shots McKay."

McKay rolled his eyes, "Fine. Well done."

Sheppard watched him, "Lorne should have contacted us by now."

His timing couldn't have better because suddenly his earpiece was crackling to life and Lorne was shouting at him.

"_Doctor McKay!"_

"Finally," McKay muttered irritably.

Sheppard looked up and moved closer, as if he would be able to hear the ensuing conversation.

"Where are you? Have you got them?"

"_We've got one, but the other two seem to be heading your way. We're chasing after them but I think you two should head out."_

McKay stood up, leaving Sheppard to stare up at him with an annoyed expression, "What?"

"_Their moving fast…I don't know, they seem to know where you are."_

There was a brief pause and heavy breathing. Lorne was running.

"_Head west out of the cave, along the ridge and towards the gate. I've got some men who are on their __way; they'll meet you up there…."_

"What? Alone? But…"

"_No but's McKay. Get moving now!"_

"Fine."

"_We'll be with you soon!"_

And then the radio cut out and McKay was left feeling the overwhelming burden of responsibility.

"What did he say?" Sheppard asked getting up to his feet, "Are they okay?"

McKay swallowed, tried to push the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach away and bit his lip.

"Rodney?"

"We need to head for the gate. Lorne says the wraith are heading straight for us."

Sheppard blinked and there was a long silence before he said, "What?"

"So…" McKay edged to the cave entrance and peered out into the rain.

A rumble of thunder had him nearly jumping out of his skin.

"Come on."

Sheppard looked at the LSD, "They really _are_ heading for us."

"Yes I know, so…let's move. Okay?"

Sheppard nodded and carefully walked over to McKay, as if he feared the precision of his own unsteady steps.

"Are you okay? I mean…I know you feel like crap, but can you do this because I can't…" McKay broke off.

Sheppard nodded, "I can still walk."

"Are you sure?"

Sheppard pulled his shoulders back, took in a deep cleansing breath and stepped forwards out into the rain, "Let's go then."

McKay followed after him and they started along the ridge towards the gate.

It was cold and the rain was falling heavier than before, as if it knew they needed to see and not get soaked further. The ridge was slippery with mud and every step was like a leap of faith.

Sheppard was walking ahead of him and it irritated him. Irritated him, how Sheppard thought he was still capable of leading even though he could barely walk in a straight line.

McKay barrelled up ahead of him, gun out and held in fingers that felt as though they were blocks of ice.

"We should stay…on the ridge all the way to the gate. More defensive!" Sheppard shouted.

McKay nodded. Sheppard was right. That way they could see anything coming towards them. It gave them a tactical advantage.

"It gives us…the tactical advantage," Sheppard said slurring the words 'tactical' and 'advantage' into one jumbled mass of words.

McKay grabbed Sheppard by his arm when he suddenly veered towards the edge and pulled him along as if he were a sulking toddler. Sheppard was moaning at him to let him go, but McKay wasn't going to. He didn't have time to stop and feel ill. He had to keep moving.

"Rodney, get off me," Sheppard said trying to pull free.

McKay sighed and ignored Sheppard. Whether he liked it or not he was swerving dangerously towards the edge of the ridge, and the last thing he needed was for Sheppard to fall over the rim.

"You could……."

McKay was about to say he could fall, but instead he felt his own feet give way, the mud providing little friction and before he could stop himself, he was falling and dragging Sheppard with him.

Tbc………………………


	7. Chapter 7

McKay had closed his eyes on their descent of the hill and regretted it immediately when he impacted on something cold and wet. He broke the surface of the fetid lake/pond/whatever, coughed out a lungful of water and kicked his way over to the edge. With arms that felt like lead, he hauled himself up and simply lay on the side of the embankment.

When he cracked an eye open he could see Sheppard still in the water, leaning over the edge with his head resting on his arms and his eyes closed.

"Well that was……_fun_," Sheppard muttered dryly.

McKay continued to lie flat on his back, feeling all kinds of uncomfortable in his wetter clothes.

"I _told_ you it was slippery," he said and spat out a leaf.

There was a prolonged silence in which McKay lay perfectly still, cursing their situation and Sheppard making no attempt to get out of the water.

"You _dragged_ me down here."

McKay, painfully aware that he couldn't leave him in the water forever, sat up and offered Sheppard a hand.

"Oh come on, you were about to take a nose dive down here yourself a few minutes ago."

"I _had_ it under control."

He managed to drag the drunken man out of the water and they both knelt on the ground making tentative movements in their wet clothes.

"I don't think I could get any more wet today," McKay grouched.

Sheppard hit one of the pockets on his TAC vest and watched with great enjoyment as water spurted up and out of it.

"It's the small things that amuse you isn't it?" McKay snarked.

Sheppard smiled.

McKay looked up at the hill they had slid down. There was no way they were getting back up there. It was a moving mass of slippery mud and water, with no footholds, _nothing_. And it was still raining.

"After you," Sheppard remarked pulling at his wet t-shirt and grimacing.

"No, after you."

Sheppard pulled off his boot, tipped out some water and then started struggling to put it back on, "I was always told it was ladies first."

"Hardy ha," McKay returned with a scowl.

He angrily activated his earpiece, "Lorne!"

"_Doctor McKay, are you okay?"_

McKay considered their situation_. Were they okay?_ No.

"_McKay?"_

"We've fallen down the ridge."

There was a moment's silence before Lorne answered, _"Sorry?"_

"The ridge, we.." Sheppard shot him an aggrieved look, "_I_ lost my foothold and we fell."

"_Are you injured?"_

"No….we're," he watched Sheppard closely undecided as to whether he really _was_ alright; "I think we're okay."

"_We're nearly with you now. Just stay where you are."_

McKay signed off and sagged back onto his heels. He was tired, he was aching and worst of all he was hungry. He was wondering where his last power bar had gone when he suddenly realised that his hands felt distinctly naked.

"Oh no," McKay started patting down his pockets, "Oh……..no."

Sheppard was busy pulling twigs and leaves out of his hair to witness his panic, "What?"

"I think…..I still have mine but where's…" McKay was overwhelmed with a sense of dread.

Sheppard stopped preening his hair long enough to recognise what McKay had done. His face dropped.

"You lost my gun!" Sheppard snapped, "You……."

"I must have dropped it on our way down."

And it was a long way down. McKay could feel the bruises already.  
"Well…… _find_ it," Sheppard ordered.

"It could be anywhere."

"Try the hill," Sheppard suggested blinking and rubbing at his face.

"Did you just miss the part where I said it could be _anywhere_? It could be at the bottom of that…that…pond for all we know."

"Then dive in and get it."

"Are you insane?"

Sheppard pushed himself up onto his knees, went to stand and obviously decided against looking for his handgun because he paled and clamped his eyes shut. The man never stopped. Even three sheets to the wind he was still trying to command, still trying to be pro-active and in charge.

Their day wasn't turning out very well. McKay should have known this would happen. Their mission's hardly ever went without a hitch.

"We'll get you a new one."

McKay pulled his 9.mil out of his calf holster. If it fired it would be a miracle.

Sheppard sighed, "This day goes from bad to worse."

"Don't say that."

McKay wasn't exactly superstitious but he was getting a weird feeling that something was wrong.

"Well it does and you said it early so don't tell me-"

Sheppard continued to ramble on, slurring and making big arm gestures as he talked. He was animated when he was drunk.

"And then we fell down here!"

"I wouldn't be down here if it wasn't for you, so _as_ I was saying, this day can't get-"

McKay stood up and hauled Sheppard up to his feet "It just got worse."

Sheppard was swaying again, "What?"

McKay pulled Sheppard backwards and pointed his handgun at the wraith that was descending the hill and coming straight for them.

It took a second for Sheppard's addled brain to catch up with the situation and he muttered a 'shit' before saying, "Shoot it!"

McKay wanted to run away. Every impulse in his body screamed retreat, but with Sheppard in the state he was in, there was no way they would get away.

McKay pulled the trigger and his first shot went wide, the second hit the dirt by the wraith's foot and the third hit home. It barely flinched.

"Oh God, it's still coming!" McKay shrieked in a panicked voice, "What do I do? What do I do?"

"Keep firing," Sheppard said helpfully, "Where's my knife?"

"Ronon has it," McKay said pulling the trigger again.

The wraith reached them and Sheppard pushed McKay out of the way.

"Colonel!" McKay shouted through the rain.

Sheppard could be an idiot sometimes.

The wraith regarded Sheppard with an amused look and batted him out of the way.

McKay kept firing. The wraith was making jerking motions as each bullet struck but still didn't seem to be slowing.

McKay didn't know what to do. His bullets didn't seem to do anything and Sheppard was still lying on the ground, dazed by the blow he had taken. If he was sober then he would be dealing with this situation. He'd be the one firing and McKay would be the one on the ground.

"Sheppard!"

He managed to fire off another shot and moved backwards, trying to draw the wraith away from Sheppard's prone body. He would never forgive himself if…….

He shook his head. No. He couldn't think like that. He had to be Sheppard. He had to be in control, strong willed, proficient and above all else, brave.

"Sheppard!"

Who was he kidding?

He fired again and this time his bullets seemed to affect the wraith. It stopped, swayed and gripped its shoulder with a howl.

McKay ran over to Sheppard, where he was beginning to stir, dragged him up to his feet and headed back towards the water.

"We need to run!" McKay shouted.

"You go," Sheppard said, "Leave me behind."

McKay continued to step backwards, eyes searching for a way out. They were pinned between the wraith and the water with no escape.

"I'm not leaving you behind."

"I'm not going to have another death on my conscience."

It was a pleading voice. Pathetic, desperate and unlike his friend. Sheppard was a born protector and this time he was the one in need of protecting. He was the liability.

"You still have time to get out of here."

"I'm……I'm not leaving you."

"Go!" Sheppard shouted angrily and looking remarkably sober.

McKay watched the advancing wraith and swallowed thickly. He felt sick to his stomach and his heart was hammering against his rib-cage. He could have ran, the old McKay would have, but instead he met Sheppard's glare and shook his head.

"Rodney."

The wraith was getting closer.

"No!"

"Don't _die_ because of me."

McKay didn't say a word.

"Rodney."

He wasn't leaving.

Before he could react, Sheppard snatched the gun out of his hand, shoved him away, went to fire off a shot and was struck by the wraith again. Sheppard might have _felt_ capable but his reflexes were off and his actions were slow.

This time he sailed backwards into the fetid water, disappearing under the murk.

McKay grabbed the fallen weapon, squeezed off another shot and started to back up flicking his eyes between the still waters and the wraith.

"You activated the device," the wraith snarled, "_Ancient_."

McKay was confused. _What device?_

He fired off another shot. _How many was that?_ Sheppard always told him to count his expended bullets but in the confusion he hadn't.

He'd watched Sheppard on the shooting range. He'd fire, one, two, three….always counting out loud. He never waited for the inevitable click, click of an empty magazine because he _always_ knew when to stop and re-load. McKay didn't have a clue. He hadn't been counting out loud.

"What device?" McKay asked stalling for time and edging back again.

With the rain and the thunder and the impending darkness, he couldn't make out if Sheppard had got out of the water. He risked a glance and saw the waters were being pelted with rainwater and there was no sign of Sheppard.

"Sheppard!"

The wraith continued forwards, stalking him, hand reared upwards.

"Sheppard!"

_Oh god_, he thought, _this is it. I'm going to die. I'm going to die a horrible, painful death and Sheppard got to drown peacefully._

McKay waited for the unavoidable.

All of a sudden, the wraith was being peppered with bullets. It snarled and dropped to the ground in a boneless heap. McKay jumped when it made one last grasping attempt to reach out to him and then it gargled black blood and stilled.

McKay turned, expecting to see Lorne and the cavalry on the ridge but he was a little surprised when he saw Sheppard standing at the base of the hill with a 9mil in his hand.

Sheppard aimed at the dead wraith and fired off a few more shots into its head, then he took an unsteady step forwards and sank to his knees, "I found my gun," he said before dropping to the ground himself.

"Sheppard!"

McKay ran over to him and turned him over. Sheppard was unconscious and he didn't know if it was the alcohol or if he had a real injury. He patted him down, checking for injuries and tried to shake him back to the world of the living. When that didn't work, he cursed, sat back on his heels and stared up at the ridge, willing Lorne to make an appearance.

"Hurry up," he muttered and looked over to the dead wraith.

He gave Sheppard a prod.

"And you can wake up as well."

Sheppard didn't stir.

Okay, so the wraith had been disposed, but there was still another one out there and as McKay had no idea how many bullets he or Sheppard had fired he decided to replenish his ammo. He had to do something useful. He ransacked Sheppard's tactical vest and pulled out a new magazine. Something else fell out at the same time and he realised that it was the rock…..their supposed ZPM, and it was flashing.

"What is………"

He examined it with new eyes. He hadn't noticed _that_ before.

"The energy readings….." he muttered.

"M' awake," Sheppard mumbled.

"Thank god!"

The device forgotten, McKay palmed it and helped Sheppard sit up.

"Are you okay?"

Sheppard groaned out a reply, "I'm drunk."

"I _know _that."

"The wraith?"

Sheppard was the only man alive that could get absolutely hammered and still be concerned about a friends safety. He just couldn't seem to enjoy his time for reckless abandonment.

"Dead. Although, it's probably _not_ dead and it's going to spring up any second and…"

"It's dead," Sheppard said reluctantly passing the 9mil to McKay.

Sheppard seemed confused, his reactions slow and sloppy. He'd been more lucid earlier but now…….he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Did you hit your head?"

"No, just……the drink."

McKay watched him closely as he scrubbed a hand through his spiked hair. Sheppard wasn't lying. If he was, then he would have said he was fine. The fact that he admitted to feeling drunk, which in turn meant he felt like crap, was enough to convince McKay that he was actually okay.

"Doctor McKay!"

Through the rain, McKay could just make out figures above them.

"Major?"

"Are you okay?"

"We're fine."

"Follow the ridge around and we'll meet there. I don't think we can get down this way!"

"Just fall down it like we did!" Sheppard shouted back and McKay slapped his arm.

"What about the other wraith?" McKay called out, shielding his eyes from the rain.

"Dead."

Dead. McKay felt relief flood his veins and he let out a strained laugh. Dead.

"What's funny?" Sheppard asked scrunching up his face.

McKay ignored him, "Okay Major. Come on Colonel, time to stand up."

"Give me a second," Sheppard slurred tiredly.

McKay remembered the rock in his hand.

"What's that?"

"Our ZPM," McKay said.

"Our what?"

"It's not really a ZPM, you know that. Are you okay?"

Sheppard waved a hand at him and rubbed at his head. He was going to feel even worse in the morning.

McKay placed the rock on the ground and grabbed another chunky rock by Sheppard's feet.

"What are you doing?"

McKay held a finger up.

"What?"

He needed to be accurate and Sheppard was distracting him. He bashed the rock as hard as he could..

"Why are you doing that?"

McKay sighed, "Wait."

The rock suddenly gave way and exposed what lay inside. There was a small circular disc with a flashing light.

"That….." Sheppard reached for it with a clumsy hand and held it up, "That's….."

McKay snatched it back, "It's a wraith tracking device. Just like the one Teyla had in her necklace."

Sheppard blinked.

"That's how they tracked us?"

"And we activated it," Sheppard said groaning.

"Yes."

McKay did the only responsible thing and started to smash it with his lump of rock. It took several attempts but eventually the casing splintered open exposing the device's guts, then the insides crushed under the pressure and _finally_ the blinking light made one last pathetic blip and it went dead.

"We should get going," McKay said, feeling a little more in control. In command.

Sheppard groaned and held out his hand. With a bit of effort they managed to get him standing, but he was leaning heavily into McKay's side, eyes closed and jaw set.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Shepard shook his head.

"Can you walk?"

Sheppard nodded.

"Okay," McKay held onto Sheppard as tightly as he could and started to move off, "Home time."

Tbc……………………………….

A/N: Oh you know that can't be it….right? evil grin


	8. Chapter 8

They had negotiated the undergrowth to reach the end of the ridge and Lorne, Ronon and a group of marines met them half way. Ronon instantly grabbed Sheppard's other arm and took up the slack as they headed back to the gate.

With the wraith dead and no more darts sighted in the black skies, Teyla and the two marines who had escorted her were going to stay at Maref's for the night and Lorne was going to have a unit watch the gate until they came back.

It just left the matter of stepping through the gate and getting Sheppard to bed.

His condition seemed to have deteriorated on the way back. He was silent, only speaking once to ask what was happening, and after that he dropped his head and dragged his feet between them. They'd stopped once just to make sure he wasn't injured. Lorne had felt like he was breaching Sheppard's personal space as McKay and Ronon held him upright and he felt over his head for bumps and lifted his t-shirt to make sure there weren't any bruises or hidden busted ribs. Sheppard was remarkably unscathed. In fact, they all were. They'd had a lucky escape this time.

Just before they dialled the gate they gave Sheppard some water and a power bar, straightened him out and told him not to say a word on the other side.

As it was, they needn't have worried.

A lone gate technician greeted them in the gate room flanked by the obligatory collection of soldiers wielding P90's.

"We weren't expecting you back until tomorrow," he said eyeing the Colonel who was being propped up between McKay and Ronon.

Lorne intentionally blocked the man's view, "We had a change of plans. Where's Doctor Weir?"

The tech was still trying to look over Lorne's shoulder, "Is…. the Colonel okay?"

Sheppard lifted his head and smiled cheerfully, attempting sobriety at the mention of his name.

Lorne threw a look over his shoulder and then guided the tech away, "He's a little tired. Elizabeth?"

The technician dragged his eyes away from Sheppard to answer, "Oh, she got called down to one of the labs. I can call her back up if you want?"

Relief warring with guilt Lorne shook his head, "No, that won't be necessary. Tell her we're back and inform her that I will brief her in an hour."

The gate technician was staring at the Colonel again, "Yes Sir."

"He's fine."

"Are you-"

"It's been a long day. Just pass my message onto Doctor Weir."

Lorne turned back to the others, instructed his men to stow their gear and helped Ronon and McKay with Sheppard.

When they were in the safety of one of the empty corridors and away from prying eyes Lorne said,

"We'll take him to his room. Let him sleep this off and explain in the morning."

Ronon, who for his part had been silent, questioned, "Shouldn't we take him to the infirmary?"

Lorne felt a grin spread across his face that matched McKay's, "Doctor Beckett would kill him. The last thing he needs is to be the centre of gossip. No, this is damage limitation. We'll take him back to his room and McKay can sit with him tonight."

McKay sighed, "Are you kidding? I've had to watch him all day."

"Then it won't hurt to do it tonight."

--------------------------

Sheppard had regained a little of his strength and was walking ahead of them down the corridor leading to his quarters. He was skimming the wall with his outstretched hand, using it for balance as he shuffled tiredly in front of them.

"So, let me get this straight," Lorne said, "The rock that wasn't a ZPM was actually a wraith tracking device?"

McKay was reaching out to right Sheppard when he answered, "Yes."

Lorne sighed, "And you activated it?"

McKay shot him a tired look, "We _all_ activated it."

"Maybe one day the ATA gene won't get us in to trouble," Lorne rotated his shoulders where his t-shirt and tactical vest were soaked through.

They walked for a few minutes in silence before Lorne said, "You destroyed it right?"

"No Major, it's in my pocket. I bought it back to Atlantis because I wanted the wraith to find us. Of course I destroyed it."

"You sure?"

"I smashed it to pieces."

Lorne was impressed.

Sheppard stopped momentarily, which lead to McKay reaching out to him, Ronon grabbing the back of his t-shirt and Lorne hovering uncomfortably.

"Are you okay?" McKay asked.

Sheppard leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Ronon planted a hand against his chest to keep him upright which Sheppard pushed away.

"Just….dizzy," he said managing a weak smile.

A few personnel passed by and gave the Colonel a concerned look and then Sheppard was shuffling forwards again.

"He's fine," McKay consolidated with a sigh, "Just…..the alcohol."

"A lot of alcohol," Ronon nodded.

"A lot, a lot," Lorne added with a smile, "If he gets caught like this he'll never live it down."

"Oh, I don't know-"

McKay was cut off. He was about to say that it would be pretty funny and that he would enjoy ribbing him about it for the next year when Sheppard suddenly planted a hand heavily onto the wall.

"Sir?" Lorne asked.

Sheppard's back tensed and his other hand flew up to his face.

"Sir?"

Before they could intervene Sheppard was sliding down the wall and connecting with the hard floor.

McKay was first to kneel beside him, "Sheppard? Come on, wake up," he gave his shoulder a tentative shake.

Lorne looked up and down the corridor. The last thing they needed was someone finding him and then having to explain how he got in such a state.

"Sir?"

Sheppard groaned something and then seemed to slip further out of reach.

"Come on Sheppard. You can't sleep here."

Lorne chuckled at the absurdity of the situation and McKay joined him in an exhausted smile.

"Sheppard!" Ronon ordered.

"He's out of it," Lorne said.

"Uh….Lorne?"

It was amazing how a situation could turn in the blink of the eye. McKay was peering at Sheppard and his expression was very slowly melting from one of amusement to concern. Lorne could feel it too. Something wasn't quite right.

"Lorne? Do his lips look blue to you?"

Lorne crouched down. McKay was right.

"Come on Sir, wake up!" and even Lorne's voice was beginning to sound a little tight, "Sir?"

Sheppard was lying awkwardly, his back against the wall so he was on his side, his arm pinned underneath him, and his other was outstretched and completely still.

"Sheppard!"

This time a few passing scientists stopped and hung around in the corridor, watching the scene in front of them with worried expressions.

"He's fine," Lorne said making them move on.

"Sheppard," McKay was shaking him even harder, his voice constricted with a growing panic.

------------------------------

Beckett was having a leisurely game of solitaire and drinking his freshly brewed coffee when his earpiece crackled to life.

He arched his back, "Yes?"

"_Doctor Beckett, are you busy?"_

Beckett eyed his game longingly and closed the lid of his laptop, "Not at all. What can I do for Sheppard just got back from their mission and…….

Beckett was already standing and drinking the last of his coffee.

"_I think something might be wrong. Thought you might want to check it out."_

----------------------------------

Beckett rushed down the corridor and felt a feeling of dread pervade him as he spied Colonel Sheppard lying on the floor.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

Lorne, McKay and Ronon turned in unison to look at him with equal expressions of guilt.

He wasted no time, white coat flapping open as he came to kneel beside Sheppard.

"Colonel?"

McKay moved to the side and rested his elbow on his knee.

"What's going on here?" Beckett asked.

Sheppard was unresponsive, looking almost peaceful on the floor. He was also soaked through.

"It's okay Doc," Lorne said, "The colonel had……. a little bit too much to drink."

Beckett knew he looked shocked, "I thought you were off-world?"

"We were."

Sheppard reeked of alcohol and Beckett couldn't understand how this had happened. Sheppard hardly drank on base let alone on an Off-world mission. It just didn't make sense.

"And he was drinking?"

"Long story," Lorne said leaning heavily against the wall.

Beckett continued to look over Sheppard, lifting his eyelids and pointing a penlight into them. He was trying to coax Sheppard back to consciousness when he suddenly vomited.

"That…is disgusting," McKay announced, edging back.

"Colonel?" Beckett tried to reach him again.

"We were just taking him back to his room to sleep it off," McKay said in a worried voice.

Beckett sighed and cupped his hand under Sheppard's chin to keep his airways clear. If he aspirated liquid into his lungs then he would be in real trouble.

"Colonel?" he gave him a shake, all the while assessing his condition.

He was pale, breathing in shallow pants and completely unresponsive.

The sudden realisation of what was wrong churned his stomach.

"Sleeping it off would have probably killed him."

"What?" McKay was saying with a squeak, "What do you mean?"

Beckett activated his earpiece, ignoring the scientist and concentrating on getting his patient to the infirmary.

"I need a medical team down Colonel Sheppard's quarters."

Beckett signed off.

"He's just had too much too drink," McKay protested. He had too, because by now even he must have realised that something was wrong.

"Colonel Sheppard just vomited and didn't even stir. Most people wake up. He's cool and clammy-"

"We took a dip in an ice cold pond," McKay said in explanation.

"And his lips are blue. Did he seem confused on the way back?"

McKay's face turned pale, "Well……."

Beckett needed answers and quickly.

"How much alcohol did he drink and in what time period?"

"Well……it was hard to tell," Lorne answered guiltily.

"I need to know," Beckett snapped angrily.

"Ten shots," McKay provided.

Beckett looked down at the Colonel and wondered how it had come to that. Was it the stress of his job? Did he intentionally drink? Was it an accident? Sheppard wasn't exactly underweight, but his wiry frame was definitely not built for binge drinking.

"What time period?"

"Within the space of an hour and a half."

Beckett shook his head as his diagnosis was confirmed, "He has alcohol poisoning."

"What?"

"We need to get him to the infirmary now. You're a bunch of bloody idiots."

"We didn't mean to-"

"I know you didn't mean for this to happen Rodney, but…….it has. Why on earth was he drinking?"

Ronon spoke for the first time since he had arrived, "ZPM."

"What?"

A medical team arrived in a flurry of activity and the gurney was lowered.

"Lie him sideways," Beckett instructed to his team and then to Mckay and the others, "We'll talk about this later."

---------------------------------

Sheppard had little recollection of what was happening to him or what had happened to him. He was being smothered by a thick fog that refused to give him clarity. He caught words like 'ethanol poisoning' and 'dialysis' and he heard arguments. Familiar voices being shouted at by accented voices.

"_You don't even know what he was drinking?"_

"_It was clear…..I think"_

"_In other word's, it was pure and unfiltered…….I hope this was worth it Rodney."_

"_Doc….we didn't-"_

"_We didn't mean this to happen and he wanted to drink."_

"_Did he?"_

"_Elizabeth…he-"_

"_You know John would probably do anything to both protect his team and provide Atlantis with a ZPM. To save you from…this…of course he would drink."_

"_I offered to do it!"_

"_So did I."_

"_Gentlemen, either way…..this was irresponsible."_

"_Carson, Elizab-"_

He tried to wake up a few times but he couldn't seem to surface. He felt sick and dizzy and even when he was sure he was still, he seemed to be moving.

----------

TBC …………………………..


	9. Chapter 9

Beckett looked up from his book when Sheppard stirred, shifted under the covers and rolled over to face him. He placed the book to the side and checked Sheppard hadn't tugged his I.V line or his dialysis wires free. He hadn't and so settled back into his chair with the intent of finishing chapter one.

It had been a long night, fraught with worry and filled with so much anger. Beckett was usually calm and very amiable, but when it came to a patient's welfare he had to react. Sheppard may have consented to the…he shook his head……drinking contest, but still. It was his team's responsibility to say no for him. Of course Sheppard would do it. For Atlantis he would do anything.

They had rushed him into the infirmary, made sure to preserve his airways and being unable to determine what Sheppard had drank and what proof it was, they had been forced to put him on dialysis to flush the alcohol out of his system. Sheppard's oxygen saturation had already increased and he hadn't vomited again. They would be able to take him off dialysis in the morning and barring any other complications and a liver test, he would be on his way to recovery. He'd probably never drink again.

"How's he doing?"

Beckett closed his book, "Rodney, I thought I told you to get some sleep?"

McKay hovered by the end of Sheppard's bed and then pulled up a chair next to his.

"Couldn't."

Beckett could see that McKay looked tired. He was cradling his wrist as he sat down.

"Is that bothering you?"

McKay gave his wrist a look, "I think it's just bruised."

Beckett reached out, gently took hold of his arm and pushed his jacket sleeve up to get a better look, "It's probably just sprained. I'll get you an ice pack."

Beckett retrieved a compression bandage and some ice and held it over McKay's wrist for a few minutes.

"I didn't want to mention it early. You were kind of-"

"I was angry," Beckett conceded, "Just hold that on your wrist and then I'll bandage it."

McKay nodded and they both looked up when Sheppard moved in his bed again, mumbling something incoherent.

"He did this for you, you know."

"I know."

"You need to keep an eye on him. He'd do it again."

McKay winced when Beckett started to bandage his wrist.

"He'll be okay though?"

"Aye, he'll be fine."

"He offered…."

"As I hear, he had no choice."

McKay was uncharacteristically quiet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

McKay had gone back to his room, had a sleepless night and had returned to the infirmary after breakfast to check in with Sheppard. He was surprised to see Sheppard's bed empty, just tangled sheets in the Colonel's wake and Beckett milling around the infirmary re-stocking.

"Where is he?"

Beckett turned to him with a sigh, "Rodney…."

"Oh my god! What happened? Is he….did something…."

"He's fine," Beckett interrupted, "Well…he's not exactly fine but…."

Beckett guided him towards the washrooms connected to the infirmary and indicated to the door.

McKay was surprised that Beckett had allowed Sheppard out of bed. Usually, he would have them confined for at least twenty fours after admittance.

"He wasn't feeling too well this morning so against better judgement I allowed him to…" Beckett's expression softened, "He's been in there for twenty minutes. You might want to keep him company."

McKay was confused but realised what Beckett was getting at and pushed into the washroom without further comment.

He scanned the bathroom and found Sheppard in one of the stalls, sitting next to the toilet with a miserable expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" McKay asked, leaning against the wash basin opposite.

Sheppard looked up at him with a green expression, "What does it look like?"

He sounded more like Sheppard. There was no slur, no evidence of drunkenness, just a man that was severely hung-over.

"Oh," McKay wrinkled his nose, "Praying to the porcelain god huh?"

Sheppard closed his eyes, swallowed thickly and nodded.

"I'm surprised Carson let you out of bed."

"Had no choice in the matter," Sheppard answered quickly.

It was as if he were afraid, extended periods of his mouth being open might lead to more vomiting, "Felt sick. Didn't want to be watched."

McKay understood and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That was a hint Rodney. Go away."

"Do you know how unhygienic it is down there?"

"I don't care."

"Your sitting in……I hate to think. Are you trying to add cholera to your hangover?"

Sheppard went to slam the stall door shut but got up a fraction and then sat back down again, one hand reaching for the toilet just in case.

"Rodney."

"Sheppard," McKay said with a smirk.

Now Sheppard was in the clear, he wasn't feeling the need for guilt anymore.

"Go away."

"No, Carson told me to make sure you were okay."

"You've seen, now go away."

"You know, it's actually a good thing that you got drunk."

Sheppard gave McKay a dirty look, "I'm going to hit you, if you don't leave me alone."

"With what?"

"I have an I.V pole and I'm not afraid to use it."

McKay crouched down at Sheppard's level, leaning against the wash basin, "If you hadn't have got drunk then we wouldn't have three wraith darts in our hands," he smiled, "Complete with navigational data, storage devices and…well……."

Sheppard leaned his head against the toilet, "If I hadn't…" he paused, obviously the thought making him feel nauseous, "If I hadn't drank……crap…then we wouldn't have activated the tracking device."

"But if we hadn't activated the tracking device then it would still be on that planet and I wouldn't have destroyed it thus preventing further wraith attacks on that-"

"Shut up," Sheppard groaned, "You suck."

"Hey, I wasn't the one that decided to consume my body weight in moonshine."

"I did that for you," Sheppard said, "Never again."

"I promise I won't ask you to do anything like that again," McKay said. And he meant it.

"No…….because next time. You can do it."

McKay stood up and reached out for Sheppard, "You should be in bed."

"I'm fine here."

"Come on, get up. Stop being stubborn."

"I like it here," Sheppard said pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Fine," McKay said admitting defeat and sitting on the floor next to him, "Then I'll sit here too."

"At the risk of……..contamination?" Sheppard asked with a wry smile.

McKay pulled his hands into his lap and tried to minimise body to floor contact, "As long as it takes."

They sat in silence for a few seconds until Sheppard finally spoke.

"Next time I feel sick…..I'm aiming for your lap."

"Grow up."

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EPILOGUE

"_Are you sure about this Sir?"_

"No…not really."

"_And they say they'll give you the ancient device if you take part in a special ritual…"_

Sheppard looked out towards the tree line and rested his hand on his side arm, "Yes a _special_ ritual…."

"_It's your call."_

Sheppard could hear the chanting in the background, sounds of laughter and regalement at the impending ritual, "I was afraid you'd say that."

"_If you think its worth it Sir, I say go for it."_

Sheppard could always rely on Lorne to say the right thing.

He groaned and just before signing off said, "Okay, well we shouldn't be long. Just…….keep this channel open."

Sheppard trudged back to the village, pushed through a group of chattering villagers and joined his team and the village leader, Meryl.

Meryl, a young and rather attractive woman smiled widely, "Do you agree to the terms?"

Sheppard met his team-mates eyes with a look of 'we're going to regret this' and said, "Yeah we agree to the terms."

"Then your leader will take part in the cleansing ceremony?"

They'd be warned against this. Explicit instructions not to do anything……..stupid and Sheppard was here again. Agreeing to something ultimately damaging.

"Yes."

McKay was looking uncomfortable, Teyla seemed to be grimacing and Ronon was looking revolted.

"Very well. The leader needs to go to the hut to disrobe and then the ceremony will begin."

Sheppard winced at the word 'disrobe' "Can you just remind me what happens in this ceremony?"

"Well, once the partaker is naked, they dance around the fire and-"

Sheppard felt sick, "I've heard enough."

They waited with anticipation. No one was willing to move. Sheppard started towards the hut with the others.

"And your leader is?" Meryl asked suddenly, eyes roaming from one man to another.

Sheppard knew he was going to regret this. He painted a serious expression onto his face and gestured with his head, "Doctor Rodney McKay here."

"What?"

"It's for the good of the team Rodney and after all, you really want that ancient device so-"

"Yes I do but-"

"So go get it," Sheppard smiled.

McKay opened his mouth to say something but Meryl cut him off, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him towards the hut.

"I hate you!" Mckay shouted as he was hauled away.

"Rodney, great leader!" And Teyla was slapping him on the arm, "No buts, just……well, there will be _buts_ –"

"Colonel!" McKay warned.

"Just grin and _bare_ it, you'll be fine."

Mckay disappeared into the hut for his disrobing and Sheppard and the rest of his team took up seats by the large camp fire.

"We will….regret this," Teyla said, her face tinged pink.

Sheppard pulled his sunglasses on, even though it was dark and he wouldn't be able to see a damn thing. Well, he thought with a smug smile, that was the idea.

Payback really was a bitch.

The end

AN/ Well I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Ah….drunk Shep ;)

Thank you for all those who took the time out to review. I really appreciate it.


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